Skillful Thoughts

Series E – Attract People You’d Like to Be Like

Download Series E

In the samples below the underlined statement is a common idea that is self-limiting. 

It is followed by possibilities (marked with bullets) that are more likely to lead us to better outcomes.

Those with the best lives have become good at finding the most appropriate explanations for what has happened and what they need or expect to happen.

 

E-1 • Making Friends

Getting to know people is hard.

  • Social skills are easy to learn and use, especially if I practice them with everyone I meet.
  • The more interested I can get in them the more interest they’ll show in me.

I am stuck where I am.

  • Being stuck is a state of mind suggests I have stopped looking for alternatives. I can choose to be unstuck. I haven’t even scratched the surface of possibilities.

I can’t learn from anyone in my life at present.

  • If I do what I like to do, or want to do, people with similar interests will be there and be more like me.

 

E-2 • Keeping Friends

The people I would like for friends don’t seem to notice that I exist.

  • Those who don’t may be so into themselves that they wouldn’t be good friends even if they did.
  • I will do more that involves interacting with others.
  • Friends will show up if I replace some of my bad Plays with good ones and concentrate on what I can offer instead of what I can get.

I can’t grow unless I move on.

  • If my plan for life is good and it includes opportunities for social interaction, the right people will remain and new ones will show up.

My friends will think I am snubbing them if I move on.

  • Showing them how to improve themself and escape their surroundings will be better for them than watching me be stuck with them. 

 

E-3 • Making Conversation

I have trouble getting into conversations because I can’t remember people’s names.

  • If I ask questions about what interests others, they will think I am good conversationalist. Once I get a person talking about what he or she likes, if I ask them to repeat their name they won’t mind; it will show I am interested in them.

I just can’t start a conversation.

  • If I know a few standard conversation starting questions and practice them on everyone I meet, I can get acquainted with just about anyone quickly and comfortably.

 

E-4 • Making Yourself Irresistible

The more I want to get acquainted the more I get tongue-tied I get.

  • I’ll look at each attempt as a rehearsal and practice on everyone I meet. 

 

E-5 • Likability Skills

I don’t like who I have become.

  • The thought of replacing my stale routines with some fresh approaches can be very exciting if I look at it as an adventure.

 When there are long silences in the conversation, it makes me anxious.

  • They are probably feeling the same; I can put them at ease by ask the other person what they are thinking.
  • I will not assume it is my fault.
  • I will apply some of my conversation-starting questions to a subject I think my conversation partner will like.

 

E-10 • Dwindling Romance

He’s not affectionate.

  • I have not been affectionate with him.
  • Every time he starts a conversation I use it to criticize him, give him to-dos, whine, or remind him of how afraid I am about our finances.
  • I never tell him what a good job he is doing or show interest in the things that interest him.
  • I will start offering ideas on what we can do together that he might consider fun.
  • I will touch him every chance I get.