17 Jun Care Less (AKA Killing with Conscientiousness)
Most people know that prolonged anxiety can and does shorten lives. What they don’t know is that being overly-conscientious is an octane booster for their anxiety. The more they care the more it hurts the sender and the receiver.
When we set out to shed our anxiety, it seems like we are being asked to be less of a wife, mom, dad or worker, but it can have the opposite effect. You become easier to be around, and people become more willing to open up to you.
When you focus too much on one area you miss important clues in other parts of your life which can help you become more effective overall.
Anxiousness and conscientiousness don’t make you more effective. An anxious mom could rob her children of coping and discovering their skills if she anticipates their every need. An anxious dad can turn his kids off to all the things he would most like to share with them. In their own self-defense, kids know to avoid places and people of high anxiety. Anxious people tend to “tell” rather than listen
Remember the experiments conducted using chickens. They were trained to peck on a lever to get food. Then another lever was introduced and the first one stopped giving food, then a third was introduced and the first two stopped. Then the food came out randomly, so there was no connection between their behavior and their reward. The chickens got highly agitated and started pecking at everything in sight.
We are the conscientious chicken and our food is love. When the levers that were reliable at one time stop working, we get highly agitated and start pecking at everything in sight.
This statement is stark and perhaps an oversimplification but it might help you take the edge off your addiction to anxiety.
Anxious people are repulsive ;o).
Being workable will get you more love than being right, perfect, or on your game.
Be calm and easy to be around and more love will come your way.