Explain Your Future

Your own self-talk has more power over you than any other influence because you’re talking to yourself 16 hours a day.

Whether you think of yourself as capable or incapable, you are probably right. You become what you think. In the example that follows, see how clearly that point is made. In a roomful of strangers, there are usually two types of people present—one
who is reluctant (“I’d rather not be here”), and one who is willing (“I will make the most of it”).

The reluctant person says to himself:

• “I’ve never been good at this.”
• “No good will come from this experience.”
• “I don’t know how I got trapped into this.”
• “These people aren’t like me.”
• “Everyone can see I am uncomfortable.”
• “I can hardly wait to get out of here.”
• “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”

He assumes that those present think that:

• He looks like he doesn’t want to talk.
• He must be shy or don’t belong there.
• He isn’t interested in them.
• He wishes he were somewhere else.

He decides there will be no “next time” because:

• The event was not fun.
• It’s better to avoid groups of people.
• He’s not good with crowds.
• People avoided him.
• People don’t like him.
• He doesn’t want more social obligations.

The meeting turns out as he expected.

By the time he gets home, he has taught himself the following:

• He lacked courage.
• He’s not good in social situations.
• He didn’t like any of those people.
• None of those people liked him.
• He would be less willing to do it again.

The willing person tells herself:

• “I will be uncomfortable at first.”
• “I can practice my people skills.”
• “When I talk to people, they will like me.”
• “People will be easy to talk to.”
• “I can learn something from everyone.”
• “I can make anyone feel comfortable by being a good
listener.”• “Maybe I’ll meet someone who is very interesting
tonight.”

She assumes that those present think she is interesting and enjoyable, and they’d like to see her again. She is glad to have attended. She decides that next time:

• She’ll be more at ease.
• She’ll seek out those with similar interests and learn from those with different experiences.
• She’ll think up better questions to ask other people about the things that interest them.
• She’ll help bring people who looked uncomfortable (i.e., the reluctant man) into the conversation.

The meeting turns out as she expected.

By the tme she gets home, she has taught herself the following:

• She was quite capable among people she didn’t know.
• She showed courage.
• She was liked by the people she met.
• She would like to see them again.
• She would be willing to go to more meetings.

…………………………ask yourself…………………………
In what way is my self-talk blocking my growth as a person?

What can I tell myself that will make me more comfortable in unfamiliar situations?