02 Jan A Well-Placed Approach Can Revitalize the Rest of Two Lives
Tell her “I need more affection.” Cuddle her to sleep or awake. Be there when she wakes up in the
morning. Go on walks and go shopping with her and push the cart instead of reading the magazines. Hold her hand. Ask for her opinion. Take her places where she can dress up. Dress better yourself. Don’t talk about how expensive things are. Fill her car with gas and have it washed. Bring out photos or play “your song” from when you were first dating.
Your grievances produce resentment which produces counter-resentment. Affection doesn’t flourish in disapproval. Initially finding things to praise him for may require some imagination, but an ounce of praise will get you more than a pound of criticism. Ask questions about the thing he is, was, or has expressed interest in, or ask him what he would most like to do. If he hasn’t been good at entertaining you he probably doesn’t know how. If you don’t know, how can he? Want specific things. It’s easier to comply with a difficult demand than a difficult person. Be clear about what you want and if he doesn’t organize it, take charge.
You are the gatekeepers of each other’s happiness. That’s worthy of your best effort. Remember that, “He is doing what he is doing because you are doing what you are doing and vice versa.” Let the matters that annoy you go and cherish what you had and try to create more of it. Your issues are tiny in relation to the joy you are missing out on. Having a happy spouse is more valuable than all the points you’ve won and positions you have taken.
Surprise your spouse. Reaching for the closeness you have both been missing. Make your relationship the one that your friends would like to have.